What to do with stressful feelings: ‘Remove' or ‘Remain’?

Clarity of thinking is vital for making decisions that matter. So what do we do when we find ourselves caught up in the ‘3 S’s’ of being stressed, scattered, and shut down?

When we’re stressed we have no stability or flexibility of mind. When we’re scattered our attention is literally ‘all over the place’ and we’re miles away from the actual present moment of our life. And when we’re shut down we can’t be vulnerable or authentically connect with the emotional needs of others.

In such times, the solution is found by accessing the 3 P’s of peace, presence and possibility -  but when we’re struggling with painful feelings such a state of peace seems inaccessible and wholly out of reach.

Our tendency at such times is to fight against the stress in our mind - to try and push and squeeze our mind in the direction of happiness. And in our attempt to ‘remove’ that stress as quickly as possible, we inadvertently strengthen the inner conditions that gave rise to the stress in the first place.

Instead, consider the helpful acronym ‘REMAIN’ - and explore the counter intuitive step of strategically welcoming stressful feelings as the best way of allowing them to clear.

Recognize

Experience

Map out

Accept

Investigate

Neutralize

01. Recognize the stressful feelings arising in your mind

02. Experience them fully without resistance, taking a few deep, slow breaths.

03. Map out the feelings in terms of (1) bodily sensations and (2) thoughts. 

04. Accept both as entirely normal, non-catastrophic phenomena within the perceptual field.

05. Investigate the default ‘remove-as-quickly-as-possible’ response from this new perspective. 

06. Neutralize the need to ‘remove’ the feeling, by allowing the feelings to disperse.