How to stop S.T.R.E.S.S from hijacking your L.I.F.E

Although people quantify it in many different ways, as an experience in real time - ‘success’ is only ever a feeling of happiness and openness to life - right here and now.

I once saw an interview with Michael Stipe, the lead singer of REM, that really brought this home. Stipe was answering questions about his new album but the interviewer kept returning to the topic of REM’s classic material. This caused the singer increasing discomfort - as though it was an implicit criticism of his new songs.

Now to the interviewer, and to all those watching, Michael Stipe was the ultimate success - a global superstar, a celebrated artist, a multimillionaire, loved and adored around the world. 

But, at that moment, did Stipe actually feel successful? Was he happy and open to life? Did his amazing wealth, fame and adoration have any power? Or was the stress in mind taking all of that off the table?

It suddenly struck me that at that moment, a person sitting in peaceful meditation would actually be happier and more ‘successful’ - someone without wealth or celebrity status, who was simply abing in the ‘three P’s’ of peace, presence and possibility, would be enjoying greater happiness and success than one of the most celebrated artists in the world.

This insight gives rise to an important question: if genuine success is only ever a feeling of happiness and openness in the moment, why do we feel it so rarely? 

The answer, it turns out, is our habit of stressing out.

Stress is a response to what we deem to be an adverse external condition. But all too often this is nothing more than our being out of sync with the way things really are. 

Things feel adverse because they clash with our expectations, and our expectations are often skewed to say the least.

Expectations create psychological resistance and physiological agitation -  tension in the body and tightness in the mind. They shut down our flexibility and set us up for disappointment after disappointment.

In reality it is faulty expectations, rather than external situations, that create most of the stress in our life. Things go wrong, people let you down, wishes remain unfulfilled, unwanted situations occur - faulty expectations create psychological resistance to these entirely predictable events.  

On top of this, it is well documented that chronic stress responses give rise to a whole host of health issues - such as skin rashes, sleeplessness, poor immune response, and a whole range of chronic inflammatory diseases. 

But an alternative is possible. 

If you’re able to shift out of stress and adopt a peaceful, positive mindset then even if you can’t change an external situation you can still nevertheless respond in an effective and empowering way.

In particular, if we update our expectations - making them reality-based - we can massively lessen our stress and learn to relate to difficult situations in brand new, super-empowering ways.

Clearly there are certain instances when an acute stress response is valuable, such as in a dangerous or life threatening situation. But many, if not most of our stress responses are entirely unnecessary acts of self-sabotage.

So next time you're stressing out, consider this helpful acronym that succinctly captures the psychological mechanism at work:

Stuck 

Through 

Repeatedly 

Engaging 

Self 

Sabotage

The undeniable reality is that things go wrong, people let you down, wishes remain unfulfilled, and unwanted situations occur. Being stuck in self-sabotage and reactivity means forever being at odds with this reality, and believing happiness and success can only occur in their absence. 

But if ‘success’ is a real time experience of abiding in the three P’s of peace, presence, and possibility, the stress response is relinquished and a new openness to life comes forth. 

So by enlightening your expectations, and ensuring they are reality-based, you can easily shift out of  S.T.R.E.S.S and into L.I.F.E instead:

Love

Infused 

Full 

Engagement 

Try working skilfully with your expectations to let go of S.T.R.E.S.S and embrace happiness and success in your L.I.F.E.

And if you’re up for the challenge, why not join me once a week for Sovereign Tea Time - a new online class where you can level up your outlook alongside like minded practitioners.

Each week we’ll take the time to shift out of our default setting of stressed, scattered and shut-down, and into our natural state of peace, presence and possibility instead.

This is achieved through a unique blend of practices that combine stillness, movement and insight. 

- Stillness: learning to attend to what is

- Movement: entraining the body to make its own medicine 

- Insight: disrupting reactive patterns of thinking & emotions

When you abide in the ‘three P’s’ you’re naturally loving, naturally open, and fully engaged with life - just as it is in the present moment.

So whatever you do today remember not to get drawn in by S.T.R.E.S.S - and that happiness and success are only ever a moment away - awaiting you in the experience of peace, presence and possibility.